Its been almost ten days with no significant blogging happening. Multiple factors, including travel, stress and researching the state of Maryland are responsible for my absence, for which I most sincerely apologize!
I’ve learned something interesting about myself in the last two weeks. We’re preparing for a very likely move to Maryland, because the Auditor has been tentatively offered an AWESOME job. “Moving” has been the pervasive theme of our household these past days, and we’ve spent much of our time researching towns, crime rates, public schools, Catholic schools, whether or not we should buy a house right away, etc.
What I’ve learned about myself is that it’s easy for me to hand my problems over to God– if it’s something I have no control over anyway. It’s a lot harder for me to remember to turn to God when the issue is one that DOES afford me a modicum of control.
Things like illnesses, pregnancies, surgeries, adoptions, etc are easy for me to give up to God, because in no way to I have control over anything involved– but this relocating is another matter altogether.
I DO have control over when we move, where we move, whether or not we buy a house, which school we send Little Scribbler to, etc. Because we DO control so many of the details, I’ve spent a lot of time and emotional energy on them– time I previously allocated to things like prayer, religious study, Bible reading, researching Church history, etc.
I’ve had a constant, stomach ache inducing level of stress these past few days. Anxious pressure that floats between my shoulder blades and keeps me awake between the hours of 1 and 3 am.
I haven’t REALLY prayed in days. I haven’t perused the Catholic Answer Forums, or read any articles, or posted any commentary on the 10+ subjects I backlogged in my brain right now. I’ve reached that point where stress and anxiety removes all your motivation, takes over your life, and somehow magically multiplies dirty dishes and laundry into glacier-sized piles which only further increase your anxiety every time you pass them by.
Strangely, it’s hard for me to remember to turn to God in this instance of every day life stress. Those big, emotional, life changing moments–the surgeries, pregnancies, births, deaths– are somehow easier for me than the more mundane matter of relocating to another state. It’s easy for me to give Him the big stuff– it’s so much harder for me to let go of the little things!
I think it might be time to a get a new compass, because somehow I find myself no longer pointing north!