There has been a lot of talk lately, in the Scribbler household, about adding to the family.
Generally speaking, we don’t add to our family the way many people do. Try as we might, we do not seem to be able to concieve easily. Both times we have managed to concieve took us completely by surprise. And both times, our Little Saints passed away.
Strangely enough, both of our miscarriages occured AFTER our decision to adopt the Little Scribbler. We jumped into adoption in the fall of 2006 because we were impatient– we wanted to be parents and we were tired of waiting around for the elucive conception. Neither the Auditor nor myself were ever inclined to undertake fertility testing or treatments. We didnt even want to know why conception was so difficult. We both have biological factors which may influence our ability to concieve naturally, and because of that, we didnt want to know the nitty gritty details. We didn’t want one of us to be “at fault”.
So our impatience led us to adoption. Adoption is a far more complicated issue than I think most people understand. It is certainly not the Win-Win-Win situation that you see in the warm-fuzzy movies. Neither is it the fear riddled, gut wrenching nightmare of movies like Losing Isaiah. Frankly, the media and Hollywood do a TERRIBLE job portraying adoption as it truly is– and I think that is because none of those people making those movies have adopted! Or have BEEN adopted! And CERTAINLY none of them have relinquished children– if they had, they would certianly stop portraying natural mothers who relinquish the way that they do! (I cant TELL YOU how many people have actually stopped and asked me if Little Scribbler’s mother was a crack addict. STRANGERS! CHRISTIANS! FAMILY MEMBERS! It’s ridiculous! But that is a post for another day.)
So for now let’s set aside the atrocious ways in which adoption is portrayed in the media. Let’s set aside the complicate myre of emotions I have about this subject. Let’s get back to the topic at hand– adding another Scribbler to the household!
We have what I consider to be a really awesome family. We love each other. A LOT. We tell each other so all the time. Hundreds of times a day. The Auditor and I love the Little Scribbler with our whole hearts and souls. I tend to think she loves us back :) We are blessed enough that I can stay home all day long and do nothing but scribble with my daughter! We lack a little bit for living space, but we make up for it in creative storage soluations! I think both the Auditor and I really recognize that every single day we have together is such a huge blessing!
And we want to share it. We want to be a family for a kid who needs family. I want to be a Momma for a kid who needs me. I want Little Scribbler to have a sibling. I want her to understand about loving a sibling, and sharing with a sibling (both love AND toys). My husband is a GOOD dad! He’s involved. He’s patient. He’s got a quiet sort of unconditional love that is strong enough to be stern when necessary. He’s concerned about character development AND about having fun. He’s got so much to give another kid!
So here we are. A family. A GOOD family. A lot of things are in limbo for us right now. We’ve been futzing around for the last 18 months trying to figure out when is a good time to adopt again. We keep coming up with reasons. We dont have enough space. WE’re trying to move to a bigger place. The AUditor is looking for a different job. Little Scribbler has too many medical issues. You get the idea?
Well two days ago my dear friend, whom I shall refer to as Rainbow LoveEarth for the purposes of preserving her anonymity, forwarded me a link. An agency is searching for a family for an unborn baby girl with Down’s Syndrome. The bio parents are seeking a small Catholic family, with younger parents. Sound like anybody you know?
My heart was really REALLY pulled towards this child. I actually had to step back and consider my own motivations– was I being tugged by babylust? Was this a selfish move on my part, given the fact that we’re living in a microscopic apartment and in a constant state of flux? Honestly, I think a little bit…yes. I have selfish motivations. I want to mother another child very very badly. So I went to church on Sunday night, and I couldnt stop thinking about it.
I spoke to the agency today, who told me that there has been an overwhelming response for the little girl’s case. The bio mom will have many many families to choose from, should she decide to place her child in another family. I am so so happy to hear this news! We are still being considered, but today I have come to the realization that my tugging towards this child wasnt ONLY babylust. I think that reading about this little girl was the motivation that we needed to get our butts in gear.
So we found a social worker. Who hooked us up with a homestudy agency. These two women are AMAZING! They are very compassionate, VERY pro-adoption reform (the subject for another post!), and had a lot of resources for waiting special needs kiddos. They both understood exactly what I mean when I say we want to fill a need. For those of you who dont know– not every kid who is adopted in the US NEEDS to be adopted. Lots of the infants placed in the US could definately have been parented by their biological family, and in many cases, their adoption is the result of coercion placed upon young women. SOME kinds of adoption are sadly a consumer -driven industry, in which the birthmother is given very little dignity as a woman and as a mother. In many MANY cases, adoption is about finding a baby for a childless couple, instead of finding a family for a child in need. Again, that is VERY complicated topic for another post– suffice it say, I was OVERJOYED to discover these two adoption-reform minded women! These women put children FIRST. Our previous agency put $$$ first.
So I highly doubt we are going to end up parenting the little girl with Down’s Syndrome. But even if we don’t end up being her parents, we’re going to end up being someone else’s parents! We’re adding a Scribbler to the family. I dont know if it will be a boy or a girl. I dont know if s/he will be an infant or an older child. I dont know if s/he will have any medical special needs. But I know we’re adding a Scribbler at some point in the near future!
Did you know there are over 120,000 school age children in the United States waiting for homes? Did you know there was also a myriad of infants and young children with special needs who are waiting? Did you know that there are hundreds of THOUSANDS of adoptive couples waiting for a healthy baby? Just waiting…and waiting…and waiting…while children in true need grow up in group homes. Grow up without anybody to call “Mom”. Grow up without anybody to love them unconditionally. Did you know Jesus calls us to care for widows and orphans? To take care of the “least” among us? If you think you could fill a need, please visit www.adoptuskids.org. And if you need a homestudy at a really reasonable price, shoot me an email and I will definately hook you up with my AWESOME new social worker!
(pardon the rambling, nonsensical nature of this post. I’ve been filling out adoption paperwork for the last two hours and my brain is slightly fried!)