The Faithful Scribbler

…and got hard pretty quickly.

Little Scribbler was outside in the BEAUTIFUL 65 degree weather playing with the neighbor kids. One of the boys (her age) was mean to her a few times, but she didnt seem to notice much.  Around 3pm, they go with their mom two blocks over to the elementary school to pick up the oldest boy.

Their mom, who is a very sweet lady who I hope to become friends with, asked if we wanted to come along for the walk, so we did. 

Disasterous decision on my part.  Little Scribbler lost her mind when the school bell rang, at which point a voice came on over the PA system with afternoon announcements, thus compounding her distress.  She can’t handle the frequency the PA system operates on, and when is squeals, she is in actualy physical pain.  About 100 kids flooded out the doors at once, all around her, and she got temporarily lost in the crowd.  Then once she hooked back up with me, a girl playing a loud slide whistle followed us for half a block.

I watched her try to pull herself together.  She tried SO HARD to stop crying, bite her bottom lip, and power through it.   She wimpered and moaned and flapped her hands for half a block.  Then one of the girls asked to ride her bike (which I was dragging along behind me), and she completely lost her mind.

The resulting tantrum lasted almost a full five minutes, of me sitting in the middle of the sidewalk holding her in a bear hug and whispering in her ear, while kids and parents streamed aroudn me towards their cars and houses.  It was hideous to see the other kids look at her like she’s crazy, and hear the whispers of their parents.  The neighbor-lady was very sweet and gracious, but I can tell she’s never seen anything like that before in her life.

We’re trying SO HARD to help her fit in with the other kids here in the new neighborhood.  We dont want her to be known as the “weird” one, or the “special ed” kid.  I want her to be just a kid, who goes to a different school, who likes to play soccer with everybody else!  And now, in one afternoon, she’s back to being “the weird kid”.  And honestly, it’s all my fault for not anticipating what would happen.  I should have known better.  Parenting fail.

sunshinespecialneeds.wordpress.com

The above is the link to an amazing, exciting collaboration betweens parents, educators, and advocates for children with special needs and their families! I ask for your patience while we get all the moving parts up and running, but we hope to have links to state by state resources, advice/ question and answer sessions, family profiles and more information on the Moments That Matter! Over the next several days, content will be multiplying rapidly! If you or someone you know would like to be a guest blogger for Moments That Matter, please email me at sunshinespecialneeds at gmail dot com!

So it seems it’s been about a year since this particular blog was updated.  And yet the traffic keeps picking up!  Updates coming soon, and a promise from this blogger to get back on the ball.   Much of my random blathering has been done in private journaling this year, but there are a few things on the horizon that are worthy of sharing!

I have also been working on some peices that are special-needs related, and will be blogging at a separate address, in what I hope will be a collaborative effort.  That blog will go live later this afternoon, and I will link the address to this page. 

Happy Wednesday friends!

Catholic Charities just called. They are discontinuing their full service adoption program in our area, because they are losing a lot of money on it. Apparently most people in this area who are exploring placing their children for adoption aren’t going to adoption agencies/family service providers. They are googling it on the internet and matching up with adoptive families that way.

So first we have no idea how to finance it. Then we finally find someone in NY who will do an independent homestudy for us. Then we move to Maryland and have to throw away the money we spent in NY on our homestudy. Then we have to wait six months to have “residency” in the new state. Then we start another homestudy. Then we dont know how to pay the huge placement fee. Then we figure out how to pay for that and five seconds later the agency calls and says they arent going to offer full services any more.

All the while we’ve had all these issues come up with Little Scribbler and I’ve been thinking to myself, “This must be why God is delaying our adopting– so that we have time to focus on Little Scribbler and get her on the right track before NewBaby comes home.” Now I have to wonder if NewBaby is EVER coming home, or if Little Scribbler is going to be an only child. Maybe she is– maybe that’s what God wants for us. To be honest with you (and with myself) I wouldn’t really know because I haven’t bothered to ask Him.

Catholic Charities will still do our homestudy. Once the homestudy is done, we can send it to other agencies (provided I can find any that are ethical, which is harder than you’d think it would be), and organizations trying to place children who are already waiting.

The Auditor is feeling slightly discouraged, and I’m trying to be positive, but there is a tiny little bit of defeatedness back there hiding in the dark, cobwebby corner of my mind. Little Scribbler’s friends are all becoming big brothers and sisters, and she is starting to really want to be one too!

I must keep reminding myself that God’s delays are not always God’s denials.

This Easter eve I’m sitting at home. The Auditor is at the Vigil Mass, where he’s likely to be until at least 1130. Little Scribbler FINALLY fell asleep about 945 pm– I started trying to put her down at 7:25. High points of the day included the throwing of a Mickey Mouse shaped pancake in a restaurant, and a carousel ride the ended in The Auditor getting bitten and Little Scribbler getting carried to the car kicking and screaming. It was rather a wild one, but it is Now. Finally. Over. She SLEEPS!

And now that she’s asleep, I can get on with the work that needs doing. Her little Easter treats are in a basket on the kitchen counter. Her clothes are pressed and hanging for church in the morning. Her breakfast is ready and waiting in the fridge. Her brand new pink plastic unicorn is tucked into bed with her. She’s sleeping with her nose as scrunched up and her little fists up by her ears. I love it when she sleeps like that. I love her best when she’s asleep, and better still when she’s awake, in spite of sundry tantrums and bitings! She is truly a gift from the God who loves us so!

In honor of tomorrow’s joyful Resurrection, of the love of Jesus for the world, and of the love of me for the Little Scribbler, I leave you with a poem I found online…

A Hundred Tears
By Sally Meyer, March, 1999
Copywrite 1999, Sally Meyer

A hundred times I told him
a hundred times and more,
“Don’t hit the dog, don’t run away
don’t throw that on the floor!”

All morning he was tireless
he never stopped to think
he broke my lamp, he spilled his milk
dumped the kitten in the sink.

He ran around the house all day
without a stitch of clothes
he flapped his hands and sang and cried
and fell and bumped his nose.

At dinner came the moment
when I’d simply had enough
he refused to eat his dinner
and that’s when I got tough.

I sent him off to bed at once
despite his tearful pleas . . .
I let him cry himself to sleep
it brought me to my knees.

When silence fell upon his room
I slowly crept inside,
and gazing on my little son
I lost my foolish pride.

A hundred tears I wept right then
a hundred tears and more
for this little child who spilled his milk
on my nice bright shiny floor.

Who am I to scold my son
for things he cannot know?
he looks to me for patience
to help him learn and grow.

A hundred prayers I said that night
a hundred prayers and more
Help me Father, teach my child
this child that I adore.

And as I left his room that night
I kissed his tears away
and promised that tomorrow
would be a better day.

The scene: Faithful Scribbler is lounging on the couch with her laptop, not doing much of anything important, and certainly not producing a literary work worthy of publish. Status Quo.

The Little Scribbler is in her bathroom, in the tub, luxuriating in the warm, bubbley, plastic-boat-filled, goodness. The Auditor is futzing around for her PJ’s in the dresser (from which vantage point he can see Little Scribbler alive and well in the tub– we’re not grossly negligent parents, I swear!).

Faithful Scribbler over hears the following exchange:

The Auditor: “Hi, Cat. Meow.”

The Cat: “Meow.”

The Auditor (mumbling to himself): “finally, a captive audience…”

Silence….

Faithful Scribbler: “Um….what exactly are you doing in there?”

The Auditor: “I’m going to read the children’s bible to Little Scribbler while she is in the tub, so she can’t escape.”

Faithful Scribbler: “Ahh….I thought for a minute you were planning to impress the cat with some random display of talent.”

Little Scribbler wants a dog.

Too bad for Little Scribbler.

We live in an 1100 square foot apartment, which houses 2 adults, 1 child, two cats, 100000 tons of toys and books, a mini trampoline (for LS’s occupational therapy), a big plastic child’s playcar (the kind you ride in), a toy kitchen set, a baby’s crib (set up already, for NextKid) and potentially another baby within the next year. Neither my nerves nor my apartment can handle the addition of a dog– a certainly not a “white poodledoodle” which is the kind of dog Little Scribbler has decided she wants!

So anyway, Friday is her birthday. The Auditor and I have been toying with the idea of a small pet for Little Scribbler since before Christmas. She is in looooove with our two kitties, and hugs them, pets them, feeds them and generally loves up on them every. single. day. Her first word was “tikky” (kitty). We frequently go to the pet store and reptile store to visit the animals– she LOVES it!

The problem is that, at age four, she’s still much to young to care for a pet all by herself, and since The Auditor, bless his lucky soul, goes to work every day, I will be the primary caretaker for whatever small critter joins our household.

(Interesting side note– I just realized I am watching Olivia the Pig on television while I type this…and Little Scribbler is in school! I was actually enjoying the music…but I digress!)

So The Auditor gets the brilliant idea that we should get her fish. Little Scribbler has a deep and desperate love of all things aquatic. We took her to the Baltimore Aquarium a few months ago and I thought she would have a stroke she was so excited. It was all she talked about for WEEKS afterwards! That being said, I have been the primary caretaker of goldfish before and it is not picnic! You LOOK at them wrong and the water magically changed pH and BOOM! dead fish. Er….I mean “fish on vacation”!

So fish are out. Having also owned a rather crotchety hamster in my formative years, I can tell you that small rodents are DEFINITELY out. They do not enjoy cuddling, and yet, they look so cuddlable! Bad combination for Little Scribbler. Plus….they sort of smell.

Enter the Leopard Gecko. After a lengthy discussion with a Petsmart employee, I determined that the leopard gecko would be a really cool pet for a preschooler. You can feed it bugs and fruit, it doesnt need or like to be touched or held, and the…aroma, shall we say, is minimal. Plus it’s super cheap.

Enter the Auditor, who chooses NOW to weigh in on a pet he wont be resposnible for and which wont cost him a lot of money. He thinks lizards are “boring” and “dumb”. He doesnt want to shell out for the lizard. Now frankly that never stopped me before (:)), but I figure I’ll spend some time at least TRYING to convince him…

So during the course of our negotiations, someone, I honestly forget who but probably me, brought up the possibility of hermit crabs. DING DING DING! Cheap. Low maintenance. Very active so LS can watch. Don’t need to be held. Can clean the tank without touching them (WOOHOOOOOO!). PERFECT!

Now that we’ve decided to get her hermit crabs for her birthday, I begin to google.

Do you know how many ways there are to kill a $4 hermit crab?! Do you know it requires 70% humidity? Do you know every single website says something different about wether or not to give it “sand substrate”, “cali-sand substrate”, or “coconut bark mulch” substrate!? That they live happiest in groups?! That if you have five or more, they will exhibit “pack behavior”?! That they like to climb, can hang upside down off the cage lid, will kill each other over shells, are cannibalistic and will eat their tankmate if they die, bury themselves underground to mold every three months and then eat their own exoskeleton when they’re done?!

Sure, they have cute, colorful shells. SURE, they eat table food (meat and produce). SURE they make a cool chiriping noise.

But I’m starting to hyperventiliate about keeping them alive until Little Scribbler’s birthday on Friday! I’ve checked on them about 20 times in the last hour. (They havent moved. Not even one inch. They may be dead already for all I know). The cats are eyeing the tank like it’s full of delicious snacks. How can they tell there is even anythign ALIVE in there!? You can’t see them because they’re buried in their shells, they have ZERO detectable odor as far as my nose is concerned, and they havent moved an inch! I have to go pick up LS from school soon, and I’m concerned I’m going to come back to an empty tank and two very satisfied cats!

This is very stressful. Who’s brilliant idea was this, anyway?!

I really love it when readers comment on the blog. WordPress shows me the traffic (how many hits per day) so I know there upwards of fifty people checking in every single day– not as many as I’d like there to be, but still no small number!

A lot of people have been commenting recently about some of my previous, more theologically-heavy, posts, which is GREAT! I began this blog during the season of Lent, and it seems appropriate that I’ve had an upswing of blog traffic in the last few weeks! Reading the comments has led me to re-read the topics, and brought me to the conclusion that I’m not making the effort, spiritually, that I was making this same time last year. My resolution for tomorrow is to really start to step it up again!

So thanks for reading! Thanks for commenting! I’ll have more posts forthcoming asap!